Just kidding.
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| " The Dragon Children" Chapter 1 http://dragnix.net/Msg_Board/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=745 |
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| Author: | Dragon_Nils [ Fri May 05, 2006 10:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | " The Dragon Children" Chapter 1 |
The great war between humans and dragons raged on. The casualties kept flooding in. One day after another huge battle, a dragon came across two human children and their dying mother. " Please... help my children..." the woman said. " Why???" asked the dragon. " I may be dying, but my children still have future... I don't want it to go to waste dying with me. Please, dragon, give them a future..." " As you wish..." the dragon said after great thought. Then, the dragon then did the unthinkable. He cast a blessing upon the children. And with that blessing, their mother got her wish. Her children were saved and that's all she had wanted. She smiled after the blessing was complete and died. The dragon flew the children to the nearest village, Karama. The villagers were suffering greatly from the war. Houses were burned or frozen, livestock had been slaughtered or eaten, farms had been ravaged, and the casualties were high. To top it all off, the villagers had no way to pay for anything. The dragon sat them on a doorstep and flew off before anyone noticed. The children started crying to alert the owners of the house. A man stepped out to find the source of the noise; the children stopped crying and looked at him curiously. The man looked around to see if anyone was nearby that could have left the children. He saw no one. " There, there children... Lets get you inside and get you two something to eat... It's going to be allright... Nothing will harm you here." the man whispered to the children. |
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| Author: | Aiolos [ Sun May 07, 2006 2:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
A few punctuation corrections: Your commas are on the wrong side. They'd be like "blah blah," said he, instead of "blah blah", said he. And, unless your ending a sentance (without a 'he said' or 'they told him'), you don't put in a period then a comma. It's just a comma. Sorry if that wasn't clear. Keep going! You've got a good start. You could try expanding it a little, though. |
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| Author: | Dragon_Nils [ Sun May 07, 2006 5:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Ooops... I shoud have paid attention in language class. |
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| Author: | Firuweata [ Mon May 15, 2006 11:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Why??? |
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| Author: | Dragon_Nils [ Tue May 23, 2006 8:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Just kidding.
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