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 Post subject: The start of my novel
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 8:28 pm 
Neophyte Hatchling
Neophyte Hatchling

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:44 am
Posts: 30
Location: South UK
Hi guys
Just thought id share the start of my book. Its a work in progress but i would be interested to hear any opinions.

Its working title is ...

Gaia story

Are you there? Long have I endeavoured to reach you. Long has it been since I sought the embrace of your loving warmth. But you are not there are you? Perhaps you will never be within my limited reach. Despite your absence I will never fail to try.
I am lonelier than ever I have been before. Trapped inside my body I feel… well I do not feel. Perhaps you in all your emptiness understand this better than I ever will.
Once I was not alone. I remember well when Orsis would speak with me, encourage me to understand what I am. He told me of how I was formed. How small parts of me were drifting through your infinite blackness until they met and joined.
Eventually you gave me life. A fact you know all too well.
He failed, however, to tell me of his departure. I remember the pain as I tried as usual to communicate with him and there was no reply.
His small body was still there, moving in rotation around the hot ball but his spirit was gone. I tried to communicate with him time and time again after that ghastly realisation. Never once did he reply.
Ah but I bore you with things you already know.
I do so miss him and his knowledge. He had so many more things to tell me. So much about myself I do not understand.
He told me once of a time when all the dead bodies that rotate the ball had once been alive. They had all communicated, swapped knowledge and told funny stories.
Now their lifeless bodies are all that is left of those who are like me.
Orsis told me he had never expected me to live. He and the others would often watch me with curiosity, wondering why I had not started to breath yet. They would offer speculation on my non-existence and discuss my being at large.
I wish I could hear those discussions for perhaps it would enlighten me as to why I came to live so shortly before the last of them died.
Orsis told me of how he used to be colourful and bright. Now he is almost covered in a dusty dull colour, which reminds me often of my dreadful mortality.
I am sorry; I do not wish to seem so forlorn. I am grateful for life and only wish to understand it more thoroughly.
I have noticed as time passes that I too change. I am gaining colour around my body and I have noticed small traces of life exists on me where I am sure it once did not.
If there were anyone out there then perhaps you could explain these changes to me. But as usual I speak only to myself. Nevertheless I will persevere in hope that someone might hear my voice.
I have tried many times to combat these small life forms. They itch my body and I can think of no way to cure the itch other than to extinguish the source of it. Perhaps there is a better way?
I have caused parts of my body to break away and moved as best I can but still the small life forms are there.
I think there is no cruelty in what I do, they do not seem aware of pain or even capable of thought. Their life is but a spark that I must concentrate on to even know it is there.
Does this make me sound too arrogant? Orsis said arrogance was acceptable as long as you knew when you were being so.
Sometimes when the itching is at its worst I feel anger rise inside of me. I expel the unwanted emotion as soon as I feel its unbearable presence.
The itching temporarily leaves as liquid flame envelopes many of the life forms. Why is it, do you think, that these forms have chosen my body to inhabit?
Perhaps they did not choose? Perhaps it is a stage of life that all my dead kind once had to endure. I do not know. Oh how I long to know.
My thoughts have often laid rest on an idea regarding these life forms. An idea that is contrary to all my natural instincts. A strange twist to what may seem to be a straightforward process.
Rather than kill these small beings that live upon me I would encourage them to grow. To push them to be more than they are. Is this not what Orsis did so many times with me?
Perhaps they would grow to be adequate thinkers, able to satisfy my thirst for conversation. It could certainly cure my loneliness.
Orsis never spoke to me of beings of any kind other than our own. Mayhap he too felt alone. The last of a kind for I was new to life back then and provided no conversation other than to satisfy my lust for knowledge.
Oh but am I so different now? Do you remain silent not because you do not exist but because you could not bear the thought of my company? Or for fear your answers are not enough?
I know I must do something if only to keep my self from endless wondering.
I think I will end my communication with you now for my thoughts beckon for me to pursue them.
Perhaps next time I try to reach you I will speak of the forms on me not as an irritation but as friends. As I speak of Orsis.
Farewell darkness, be kind to those I cannot see or hear. If they truly do exist, please let them stumble upon me.
Tell them I am here awaiting their thoughts.
Tell them my name is Gaia.


All was calm inside the tent of the Draconis Sai. The sun did all it could to combat the cold but still the backlands icy frost penetrated the weak canvas of the makeshift home.
Scahune eyed each of the others in the tent fondly as they inwardly prepared themselves for the inevitable.
A sad time indeed when a person must look to the next sunrise and know it could be their last. Perhaps such a time could be considered an awakening.
He knew if asked, none of the seven before him would admit to fearing the end.
He breathed deeply for there was much planning to be done and as usual so little time to do it.
“Taugasa, Do we know how many we face?â€￾ the silence was finally broken.
“Eleven thousand on foot and half as many again on horse back. Unless numbers have changed we also face eight hundred Carsonaiâ€￾
Scahune stopped the instinctive gasp before it left his lips. Others did not quite manage.
“And how many men do we field Halenban?â€￾ Scahune asked already knowing the answer.
“Less than two thousand militia and just over four hundred cavalry. This as well as one hundred and eighty Caor-Drallâ€￾ The man paused “and of course those gathered round this very table. I might also point out that we will no doubted face the Demora Saiâ€￾
The subdued scene was complete when snow started softly painting the outside of the tent white.
Scahune looked at each face in turn. All praying to their own gods that they might die bravely the following day for that was the best they could wish for.
There was nothing their lord could tell them that would change the situation. They were to face an enemy they could not defeat. An enemy they had fought and hated for all their lives like their parents before them and their grandparents before them. And now they would lose.
For Scahune the grief inside him came not from the certain death but from the loss of the Draconis Sai. The end of Gaiantuen’s protectors.
When the Demora Sai had won they would lay waste to Gaiantuen and destroy all that stood in their way. The lucky might enjoy a life of painful slavery.
He knew nothing could be said or done to raise the spirits of his fellow Sai but as their leader it was his born duty to try.
“As you all know there is little we can do to sway the tide of battle tomorrow. We will fight like no Sai has ever fought before and will kill as many of the Sabbarath as it takes to prevent them taking a hold on Gaiantuen.â€￾
Taugasa interrupted him “don’t mean to squash what I am sure would be a beautiful speech Scahune but we don’t stand a chance. And we all know that. But that’s not what bothers us. They certainly don’t scare me. But when we are gone all we have fought for will be for nothing.â€￾
As ever the gruff warrior was quick to voice his thoughts. Although this time he was right.
“Do you really believe what we have fought for is for nothing Taugasa? Do any of you?â€￾ he paused to dare one of them to answer. None of them did. They listened loyally.
“I have not forgotten our responsibility to our world. Nor have I doomed it by entering this battle. As you all know my wife has sired a son. As we speak she makes her way here to say goodbye to me though she knows not that I will send her away to hide my heir. Not all of us will perish on tomorrow’s dawn. I will see to it that at least half of us survive to continue our work.
When my son is old enough the survivors must teach him who we are. Who he isâ€￾
He said the last as a whisper. He did not wish for his son to be born into battle. Born with an impossible task with no father to make his duty easier to bear.
He could not stop the sigh from leaving his lips as he finished speaking.
“Blood will scathe Gaiantuen tomorrow and her lands will know suffering. We cannot change this. In fact we invite it. So that we might buy the remainder of her defenders time to gather strength enough to turn the tide.â€￾
The Lord of the Sai looked at his companions, his friends, intensely. Drawn in by his own words he continued
“Which of you remembers when the first Demora set foot upon this world?â€￾ Again he paused waiting for an answer he knew would never come.
He continued quietly, so each ear had to strain or miss what was said
“No, I do not remember either. But there was once a Dragon Lord who remembered. He died, as we will tomorrow. But never could he claim the bravery of those I see before my aged eyes. For when death claimed him I can be sure there was a surprised look on his face. Where as you will all expect it.â€￾
The flap of the tent was drawn back by one of the Caor-Drall guards to reveal a middle aged woman with dark braided hair tied back and warm woolly clothes.
In her arms she carried a newborn child wrapped in a warm blanket so that only his nose and eyes peeked from it.
She confidently made her way to Scahune and stopped in front of him. “You wished to see me my love?â€￾ She asked in her gentle voice.
Scahune nodded. He wished he could send the other Sai away to leave him and his wife alone on what would undoubtedly be their last night together. But alas there was still more to discuss.
“I did Sheretâ€￾ was all he said in reply. He turned to his companions and dutifully they were actively paying no attention to either he or his wife.
“Sheret, you know what we all must face tomorrow. You know that many of us will die.â€￾
Sheret interrupted “Do not think to give me a lasting speech my love. I am not one of your soldiers that need his lord for morale. I am your wife and as ever know the situation we face as well as you. This is why I have decided to fight along side you tomorrow.â€￾
Scahune made to speak but she continued, stopping anything he might have said.
“The Draconis-Sai will lose tomorrows fight. I will not live as an old widow, enslaved and tortured. No I will die trying to save the land you have protected for so long.â€￾
“What then of our son?â€￾ Scahune asked softly
For a moment Sheret’s face lost the look of stubborn resolve. “I would not wish slavery on him. He must be taken away from here. Far away.â€￾
“I agree but whom will take him?â€￾
“I will ask one of your men to do itâ€￾
Scahune sighed. “If every man were to have a wife as brave in mind and strong in heart as you my love we would live in happier times.â€￾ He paused to let her take the complement.
“I need every fighting man here and you know this, but you are right. Our son must be taken as far from this place as possible. To a place our enemy would never find and you must be the one to take him.â€￾
The hurt eyes that looked at him were more than the Sai could bear. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and march east away from responsibility and death.
Her voice was filled with sorrow when next she spoke. “You need your soldiers here but not me?â€￾
“I need you more than you know Sheret. Even more than that, I need you alive. Please understand this. Who else will make sure my only blood line will grow up strong and handsome like his father?â€￾
She nodded. “When will you be done hereâ€￾ was all she said
“Soon, I swear it.â€￾ He owed her his time. Whatever occurred here in this tent the out come tomorrow would be no different. His wife deserved one last night with her husband.
Again she nodded and turned from him to leave the room carrying the child that would be Gaiantuen’s last hope.

Thats the start of the prologue. There is more, but im not sharing that ;)

Opinions?
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 5:46 am 
Neophyte Hatchling
Neophyte Hatchling

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:44 am
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no opinions?


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:51 am 
Cererean Princess
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I assume Orsis is Mars?

Pretty good storyline. Who are the Draconis Sai?

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 12:37 pm 
Neophyte Hatchling
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Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:44 am
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Location: South UK
You find out who they are later, of course they have something to doing with dragons.

Yes Orsis is Mars.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:07 pm 
Matrix Operator
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Wow...

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:47 am 
Neophyte Hatchling
Neophyte Hatchling

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:44 am
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Location: South UK
Wow as in you like? or wow as in you dont like.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:04 pm 
Matrix Operator
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I like it... It's really good. :)

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:02 am 
Neophyte Hatchling
Neophyte Hatchling

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:44 am
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Location: South UK
Thanks man

I will be showing more of it on Dragons Touch at some point :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:48 pm 
Removed / Banned


Last edited by Admin on Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:45 am, edited 2 times in total.
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 Post subject: Re: The start of my novel
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:06 pm 
Godsin Queen
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ok it's official, I DON'T like you, this guy wanted an opinion on the story not some random bull about w.o.w.

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